Friday, February 28, 2014

Hurricane!! of Emotions...What???

A wind with a speed greater than 74 miles (119 kilometers) per hour, according to the Beaufort scale...aka hurricane.

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When I goggled what a hurricane was a ready answer came up.  When I goggled what emotions was the above response is what I got.  Soooooooo my questions is how can we control our emotions which whip through our body like a greater than gale force winds??  Makes you stop and think, at least it made me.  Then I narrowed it down... Emotion: A mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes. Now I can see  how close a hurricane can resemble emotions.  Emotions are tricky because they can come at you when you least expect it.  One minute life is great you are going through your day and BAM! you are a mess and crying your heart out, or at least that is what happened to me last week.  I had 3
 different people in my life through curve balls at me from out of nowhere.  I was left standing there crying out to God and asking what just happened?  You see this is not the norm for me, I am usually a pretty solid person and when rough things happen I give it to God and then I move on.  Was not happening this time, a whole week of crying and trying to give it to God and not being able to.  For some reason I wanted to be tight fisted with these emotions of mine that were tearing me apart inside.  I found myself not being able to make normal rational decisions or being able to focus on anything. You know that feeling when you feel pressed down and your are not able to get up, or the feeling of drowning.  I reached out and asked my closest friends for prayer.  You know who you are and I am thankful for you pressing in on my behalf.  Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:16. 

Even though this journey was extremely hard for me, it was a good one.  God was doing a good work in me, He was teaching me to examine my motive's as a friend.  Was I being a true one or was this a friendship of convenience?  Was I doing all I could to make these relationships work for God's glory and not mine?  As I was finally able to sit in the quiet place of the Cross, I slowly began to open my hand and let go...let go of the hurt, anger and frustration I was feeling. In that moment of letting go a great weight lifted off my shoulders and I felt the peace I had not felt again.  In addition, I was able to humble myself and go to each person and say hey, I am sorry some where along the way I messed up.  Thankfully the relationships are restored and stronger than they were before.

My prayer that you take from my experience is that no matter what God is in control and He knows what He is doing.  Don't give up when things look so tough and you feel like you are going crazy.  You are not just trust on the Lord and what He is doing.  He will never walk you through a storm alone, He will be by you the entire time waiting patiently for you to let go and trust.  

Here is a song that help me go:

Sunday, February 23, 2014

The Open Door Part II


When I wrote the first post on The Open Door I knew that it was not done...sometimes God can put a message on our hearts that He wants us to really sit and ponder on, or He will ask us to do something that takes us out of our comfort zone.  My family and I had been attending a church for almost 9 years when God started speaking to me about moving to a different church. At first I really tried to ignore what He was saying, after all did He not know this was my home away from home?  I had built relationships and within these relationships deep friendships had been made.  What God was doing He was opening a door for me and asking me to go through it. Asking to step out of my comfort zone and to trust in Him.  I really went into  prayer and asked over  me to I will obey and go.  He very clearly said one word to me "Go" that is what I did.

I let a few of my closest friends  know that God had called myself and my boys out and was planting us into a different body of Christ.  As you might have guessed I got different reactions, most were go with God and I love you, or I completely understand and I am proud of you for standing firm and obeying what God is asking you to do.  Then there were some who did not respond at all and I have not heard from them since.  In addition I got did you check with leadership? Did you get leaderships blessing?  These last two questions that was asked of me I really had to take it back to God.  I did not want to seem disrespectful, but I knew I was walking in the will of God.  I even got why are you isolating I just don't want to see you wandering out in the desert...just you, your bible and God.  I really had to chose my responses wisely for I did not want to be labeled that I was "offended".  As I  went to bed one night I prayed to God to help me with me this. He woke me up in the middle of the night with this verse from, Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.  I really took this to heart, it help  me understand the concept of grace and humility.  God has given me so much grace throughout my life and I knew since I had been given it I  needed to extended it.  I must admit there were times when I did not want to do this.  In my quiet time I would cry out to God and ask Him why...His response was because I love you and I need to work new things in you. That set me back a step or to, because when I felt like I was being judged unfairly by the people I had gotten to know so well over the years.  I wanted to shout from the roof tops...I believe in the same God that you do, I pray to the same God that you do, I worship the same God that you what does it matter if I am doing it from  a different pew.  I am the same Missie who has that crazy sense of humor, that loves to give hugs from the bottom of her heart, the same Missie who  will cry and laugh  with you.  I have not moved to a different country or I do not have some contagious disease that keeps you away from me.  In this moments of unrest He would remind me of much He loved me and that His plan was much greater than mine.  I also knew this would be a season of getting close to Him and learning to call upon Him first before a friend.  It was more like I was falling in love with my Maker all over again.

I now have a renewed desire to know Him on a deeper level, to want to become what He has called me to become.  This feeling of refreshing newness overwhelms me, and it fills me with such joy I can barely handle it.  Even in my lowest point of doubt God faithfully reminded me that this was His plan and not mine.  When God opens a door and tells you to walk through it, this is meant for your good.  In the same way that He closes a door that you want to keep open He is not doing it out of spite.  He is doing it out of love for you.  Next time you hear God tell you to do something that seems way out there, just stop and think of the doors He is opening for you and the promises that are instore.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

The Heart of a Single Parent: Part II...A Moms Heart.

Children are a heritage from the Lord,
    offspring a reward from him. ~Psalm 127:3~
This verse rings so true to me in regards to my kids.  I have always considered them a precious gift from God.  Sadly I have not always showed them this...Here is our story on how God reminded a mom's heart the heritage He had given her.  There was a time in my life I was working hard to benefit my career, and my children suffered from it.  It took a huge wake up call from God to bring me down to my lowest of lows to see what I was doing to my children.  Even though this event change my life so drastically and on so many levels that I didn't even think I was going to make it.  During this time this is the  verse I clung:
So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand
~Isaiah 41:10~
I must admit at the time I had no idea what was going on and at times I was even angry at God.  I was not serving Him with all my heart yet, and all I heard was that He was a loving me that did not make any sense on any level.  How can  a God who claims love me enough to let His one and only Son die for let me suffer.  As I drew closer to Him, I began to realize He was what I need to get my life back in order.  I was realistic enough to know that my life would never be the same, and I was starting to be thankful in that knowledge.
Now I was a single mom and I was terrified on how I was going to survive, let alone raise my kids by myself.  God came through in a big way!  He provided for us in all the areas and we never suffered.  Yes, there was some hard touch and go times, but in these times we drew closer together as a family and rejoiced in what we had.
 I think the main challenges  I had was when my car broke down, something needed fixed at my home, or just even wanting someone to help make life decisions with.  I would then start to feel sorry for myself, tell myself that I was not worthy to be what God called me to be.  Thank goodness I had people in my life that would listen to me and help me see that these were lies that I did not have to listen to. With every challenge that was thrown at me brought a new determination to overcome and give it all to God.  I started to learn how to trust and lean His understanding and not mine.  The more I let go life became a little easier.  Let me clarify this last statement:  I still have trials, temptations and moments of why me, but the difference now is I can see it before the problem gets out of control...almost every time, let's be honest here.  I used to joke around and say "here I am going around the mountain again, look at that park bench I built last time was here, or look at these pretty flowers I planted..."   Now, I just smile and praise in the storm, and say okay God let's do this, 'cause God and I , we are  tight like that. I know He will come through for me even at my lowest and when I still have my doubts.  This is part of the glory of being loved by someone who loves you beyond any human understanding.
Today, the relationship I have with my kids is wonderfully amazing!  I strive daily to let them know how much I love and appreciate the heavenly gift they are to me.  I am so thankful of the smile that they put on my face and in my heart.  Each on is different in their own unique way.  They teach me and help me be a better person.  They challenge me in ways that help me treat people in a way that I would want to be treated.  All four of them have an amazing sense of humor that even now as I write this I am remember some of their antics and it is making me laugh.  To each and every one of you know that I love you to the moon and back, and then to infinity and beyond.  Thank you thank you for being who your are with all my love, simply a mom who is blessed beyond measure!!

Sunday, February 9, 2014

The Heart of a Single Parent: Part One...A Dad's Heart

The Lord really put it on my heart to examine the heart of a single parent. The walk of a single parent through the joys and challenges that they go through.  This week begins a three part series, the first one is from Osa Mcdonald on the Heart of a Single Day...enjoy...

I am a single father, and both of my children currently are suffering the consequences of my failures as they are being raised in broken homes. They both live with their mothers, but I make every effort to be as involved in their lives as I possibly can. I see my daughter nearly every day, and she stays the night with me a couple days a week. My son doesn’t like to stay with me because he is 12, and has his own routine at home

I know that my son is at the age that he is ready for me to really disciple him, and help him grow into the man God made him to be. I must be diligent to pour into his life, and thankfully his mother desires for me to do so. Being a father is a huge responsibility before God, and I know that He will hold me accountable for how I manage this great task. Just as my son needs me to disciple him and teach him how to be a man, I know that my role in my daughter’s life is just as important. She needs my love and affection.


I am setting the standard, and raising the banner for my children. The world is so concerned about our children’s education, their self-esteem, and their future ability to earn an income that the most important things are absolutely ignored. Is there really anything greater we can teach our children than the knowledge they need for salvation, character, and what life and love should look like?


There are times that the weight of what they are going through is heavy on my heart. Right now they are so confused about what love is, about what family should be, about what the roles of a wife and mother are, and the roles of what a father and husband are. My heart breaks even as I type this. I know what the answers are. I know what it should look like. However, in God’s great wisdom He has determined that this is the plan for now.


I know that tomorrow isn’t even promised though. Each day I rest in the sovereignty and great love of the living God. I know that if I will lay my life down to Him in Jesus name that He will show Himself powerful on my behalf. My children are worth dying for. I am willing to trust the Lord and lay down my life. I believe the promises God makes. Not only do I believe them, but I see His hand in their lives. There is no doubt that God is present in my family.


“As for Me,” says the Lord, “this is My covenant with them: My Spirit who is upon you, and My words which I have put in your mouth, shall not depart from your mouth, nor from the mouth of your descendants, nor from the mouth of your descendants’ descendants,” says the Lord, “from this time and forevermore.”

-Isaiah 59:21


The desires of my heart are to be married, preferably to my daughter’s mother, and to have a family that glorifies God. God has demanded me to continue to love my daughter’s mom as Jesus loves the church. Not only do I feel as though He loves her enough to expend my life to reach her, but I know that everyone is watching. The people on the outside want to see what God has done in me, and if He is true, and my children are watching as I show them what a man is called to do. I know that I am the one who is responsible for my family before God, and I do not take my role lightly. A man’s family is his number one ministry.


Faith without works is dead. Jesus says that “only one thing is needed”. I believe Him. I have tried my hardest to make my life and family be what I knew it could on my own, and I failed miserably. I do not want to fail, nor do I want any more regrets. I stand before my God in humility, and cry out to Him day and night to make good on His promises as I follow Jesus for all that I am worth. Only He can do what I cannot. I am but a man.  ~Osa  McDonald


And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”

-Luke 10:41-42


But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

-Matthew 6:32-33


Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all. Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you.

-1 Timothy 4:15-16


“For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him. In this you have done foolishly; therefore from now on you shall have wars.”

-2 Chronicles 16:9


Monday, February 3, 2014

A new journey, a new season for Jenn...


Walking with Him has been an amazing journey for me. Reaching several different countries around the world and seeing it grow has been so much fun! Writing from my heart and waiting for the Holy Spirit to move has really brought me out of my comfort zone and stretched what I believed I could do for Jesus. Working with my best friend, setting goals, dreaming, and letting go of the fear of man while learning transparency isn't just for the good times but in sharing from humility too has been so rewarding!!
     My prophetic word says that I will speak my testimony to women, and this last year has allowed me to do that through being apart of Walking with Him. However, WWH began with a shared vision from the similarities of our journey as single Mom's and wanting to bring encouragement to other women from the "dailies" in our life stories with raising our kiddos as well as the convictions of our hearts and how faithful the Lord is as our husband to bring us through each an every trial.
     Recently, My path has been redirected. After almost 12 years, the father of my child and I have been given a chance to raise him together, and reconcile a relationship that at age 20 neither one of us was ready for. This change brings several different moves for our family. It will take us into a new season that will limit my involvement in my current commitments including WWH...
     My years as a single Mom brought the challenges and victories that have shaped who I am today and I'm so thankful for that time. Though writing my final post as admin for this blog brings so many bittersweet emotions... peace, sadness, healing, thankfulness, uncertainties, joy, honor, with the most prominent faith remaining. I will still be Walking with Him as I learn to walk on this new path that He directed me to and placed me on.
Please take a moment and hear my heart in this beautiful song: