Sunday, February 22, 2015
I was talking with a friend and all of a sudden she got real quiet. She looked down at the ground, then as she brought her eyes up to meet mine, she did a half shrug and said...I need to talk to you about your younger son. Dread filled my heart and I put on a brave smiled, and said what about? She then begin to give an account on something that he had said to her boy. In that moment my defenses came up and I stepped into the battle ring. I knew for a fact that her son probably started it and mine was just in rebuttal. You see this was not the first time our two boys have had words. When this would happen I would always tell him to believe the best and move on. You can imagine my anger when my friend had the nerve to point out a wrong doing on my boy, then not even mention the fact that hers might have been in the wrong as well. Now I don't want to give you the impression I thought my son was perfect...in fact like all of us he is far from it. I just did not like being told by someone else his wrong doings. Why? It made feel like a failure as a parent. You see my youngest was my most challenging one. At age six he was diagnosed with Attention Deficient Hyper Disorder and Sensory Processing Disorder. I had to learn parenting on a whole new level, plus I was doing it as a single mom. I learned to see the world as he saw it, I learned how to help him cope in a world full of stimulation overload. What I did not realize I was doing was becoming a mamma bear mamma. If someone said or did something to him I jumped into defense mode, and even at times distant us from that person who did us wrong. At the time I had know idea I was doing this. I am pretty sure my friends who were close to me tried to tell me, but...I was to prideful to listen. Move forward to times of now and my son is older the Hyper has worn off, but he still has the ADD/SP part. With the grace that only God can give he is adjusting well and living a very normal life. He will still have the occasional meltdown, but they are easier to work through now. It was not until about a month ago when with a sudden clarity I realized I was that over protective mom. I now force myself to listen with an open heart and mind when people talk to me about him. It is not easy and every conversation like this I have to give it to God. Who knew that I was that mom? lol everyone but me. As I mentioned before by the grace of God I can move forward with this. I ask for you to pray for me, it is not easy admitting one's faults and then trying to overcome them. As always you can send me a prayer request via the Walking With Him FB page through the instant msg. In this world we are not perfect, but if we join in prayer by asking God to help us, nothing can hold us back. Just my 2cents
Thursday, February 5, 2015
I overheard these words the other day: I feel like I am failing, I feel like no matter what I do I can't get things right. At first I paid no mind to them and then I paused and let the feeling behind these words hit me. Hearing them brought me back to a place in time where I myself had uttered these words of desperation. Then my heart broke for the person who made this statement of being lost and without hope. I wanted to go find this person and just hug on them and let them know that everything will be okay. I wanted to tell them about the One who died so he/she could live. Instead I did the next best thing, I prayed for them. Asking God to bring them peace and comfort.
What has brought me out of this place of inadequacy? The love of someone greater than me, and my sins I like to carry around my neck like a shiny trophy for all to see. It was a process, it did not happen all at once. I learned the more I gave to God the easier it was to handle life's frustrations. I noticed that as I did this my whole out look on life changed. When going through a stressful situation where I was tempted to let the feelings of my past behaviors rise up. I would cry out to God and let go. As I did this I was able to ask myself, what is the point in getting all worked up? How does that help the situation? My answer was there is no point, and it does not help. True it is not always easy to do this, but if one can take a deep breath, and pray it is the step in the right direction.
My prayer for you as start to feel the feelings of unworthiness, feelings like you are a failure, or feelings of you can't get anything right. Is that God will place someone in your life that can help you. Even if all you want that person to do is just listen. Sometimes a person needs just that...someone to listen, someone who is not trying to fix the situation. A person you can trust with all that you have, a person that will pray for you. Don't worry or get upset if you can't even pray, because you are that low. God will give you someone who will be that prayer warrior for you. Someone who has the faith of a mustard seed and will stand by your side through the thick and the thin. Someone who will not judge you even if you are so down you can't even lift your eyes off the ground. Now hear this: You are worthy!! You are wonderfully made!! You are amazing!! God sings praises over you daily, you are that loved. Just take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, and second by second. With God's help you have got this my friend. Just my 2cents ~Missie