Like the Noonday Sun

Have you ever been told that you have a powerful voice? But when things get hard you can't seem to speak. Have you ever been so brokenhearted that your chest hurt when you cried? But you know God is close to the brokenhearted. Have you ever reached out, but seen only their back as they walked away? I know they did what they thought was right, but I am doing what I think is right too. How in the world does that work?

Have you ever been completely misunderstood? But know that God knows where your at. Have you been accused of being a liar? But stood strong in the balance of truth. Have you? Me too. I also know how to forgive and walk in humility. I can do that and that’s how I’ve survived the last couple of weeks.

Have you ever been in a relationship where the first time you held hands with him was in a prayer circle? Or that your second date was in an orphanage surrounded by children who've been abandoned? Have you ever felt the softest affection for someone that you know grows gently every moment? When whispered words are righteous. When one Christian meets and another, and there’s a spark and your parents stand behind you. It's a gentle and slow thing,  like coals with the breath of God softly blowing until the right time - until fire might catch. Where you want to show him off to everyone, but you can't because they've turned away from you. They’d love him if they knew him.

Have you ever decided to be brave? That place where you decided to speak up. To write the blog post. If someone asks, I'll give them the reasons why I left. The core of it all because it was the will of God. No offense, no hurt, and no division in my heart. Have you ever let a knife hover above your dreams and waited? Like Abraham, hearing that whisper from God in the prayer closet, and deciding to follow God's wishes above your own. When Jesus is your Lord and Savior.

My life is not for a person to have. It's not mine to have. I've given it to God and decided to trust the Lord. I've rested back in verses like, “Trust in the Lord, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass. He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, And your justice as the noonday.” (Psalm 37:3-6). I’ve searched the word of God and let it wash me each morning. I’ve had the pleasure of walking in peace. I’ve grown even closer to God, hung onto Him and walked in mercy.

Mercy... I’ve wanted to apologize to others who have found themselves in my position. Each judgement, each sad shake of my head in the past, “Oh, they aren't doing well, are they?” I want to twirl around and laugh and show the world, “I am doing great! It’s wonderful to walk in the will of God! Even if it’s hard, even if I did everything wrong... there is perfect peace in the will of God.” And it is wonderful, and it’s beautiful. It’s beautiful to let the brokenness turn you into gold, to let the pressure make you a diamond and to let the love of God warm your face until all you can see behind your eyelids is yellow.

Then, a dear friend of mine told me that she wanted to give me a gift her mother gave her. That is: The freedom to make mistakes. To be someone, to look amazing in everyone’s eyes, and to attempt to do the will of God perfectly? It’s a silly and impossible task. You know what I want to do? I want to be a Christian, a humble a servant and someone who follows Jesus. Are my dreams gone? Absolutely not! Because grace has been flying over my head like a banner, somehow my dreams are actually beginning to make sense and doors are opening left and right and I’ve never been more excited to run and...

I might have made a mistake.

Or I might have decided to follow the will of God.

At this point, I would say that you can be the judge of that, but I am of the belief that judgement is wrong. So I’ll just end this blog post trusting that God will use my “powerful voice” for good and not disaster. Then I’ll sign off with a warm heart and hope that justice will rise like the noonday sun. ~ Jessica Day