The Making of Walking with Him

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28

     When God puts something on my heart I usually act upon it.  Last January the vision He gave me was to start writing a blog with the sole purpose of reaching out to others. To write of things that was to come from my personal testimony and the testimonies of others. To bring a word of encouragement, a word of reflection, and a word to the person reading the post was that they are not alone.  As the vision became clearer so did the excitement to make it happen.  Of course there was the thoughts of doubt, confusion and fear, but the God I serve is a great God.  For He does not give us a plan unless He fully intends to help us with it.  I also knew that I was not called to walk this journey alone, so I asked Jennifer if she would join me. She was very excited to embark on this journey, as we sat down to make it a reality, and came up with the name, "Walking with Him".  

  For  Jennifer and I, this has been an amazing year of growth for both of us. As we got to know each other better, our families became blended so much so that our kids have become like brothers and sisters.  We became each others support system, cheerleaders, and certainly each others accountability.  Our hearts beat for God and all that he has for us.We strive for all things that we do or write to bring Glory to Him. ~Missie 

     When I was asked to apart of this blog, I was excited and honored to be apart of something bigger than myself. It's part of the word that the Lord spoke over me that I am to be apart of the emergency, Holy Spirit team, bringing in the broken and hard to reach. I felt peace that this was a step in that direction. Its also been spoken that I will speak my testimony to women and again this confirmed that word from the Lord. Though it didn't come without hesitation and recognizing the commitment it would take and respect for the counsel given in the things I would write as the word says in James 3:1 Not many of you should be teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. So because of the seriousness of warning in this verse, every post is carefully read and checked to be in alignment with the word of God. It has been a growing an stretching season as we have shared our personal experiences and life stories with you, and I am looking forward to this next season. ~Jennifer 

      Jennifer and I are taking the week off to get things ready for the next season of Walking with Him blog.  We have some very exciting things planned for the next couple of months.  First up is a Back-to-School series.  Then some personal messages that God has been putting on both of hearts.  We have some amazing guest bloggers lined up.  In addition, we our doing the Hot Chocolate run in December. Ending the year with a reflection of this past year, then going into the New Year with fresh goals and visions!  We are very thankful for our readers, friends, and family who has given us great encouragement to make this blog the successful blog that it is.  Blessings to you and yours, see you next week as we kick off our Back-to-School series.    

Where is Mine...

      A couple sit in church watching the baby dedication.  The  husband reaches over and gently but firmly grasp his wife hand.  With the other hand he reaches up tenderly wipes the silent tears that are flowing down her face.  She looks at him and smiles, mouths  I am okay.  He nods and wipes tears of his own, for he feels her pain of a barren womb, trying not to ask God where is my child I long to hold  This quiet exchange goes unnoticed by others around them, but there is One who watches them, He feels their pain.  The maker of the stars has a plan for them and He will not forget them.  He grieves with them, shares their ups and downs, their hope of  having children of their own.  He also brings them faith that He is in control and rejoices when they fix their eyes on Him.  Knowing that even if they are not blessed with children of their own, He will honor and reward them in others ways.  The verse that this young couple clings to comes from Proverbs 3:5, Trust in the Lord; do not depend on your own understanding. They trust Him completely and lean on Him on those nights when they think they can no longer go on...

     A dad comes with a handful of mail, his shoulders slump as he looks through the mail.  His wife comes around from the kitchen with a question in her eyes, not wanting to ask the question out loud, but it is on her lips ready to be asked.  Then she notices the slump of his shoulders, the lowering of his head as he looks at the last piece of mail.  He looks up, put on a brave smile and says, "not today".  She nods her head and goes back to the kitchen to finish fixing lunch.  The dad has been out of work for over 2 years and he was hoping to find his finally approved unemployment check.  He fixes his eyes on the ceiling and silently cries out to God, Where is my job? I am trying to trust you Lord, I am trying to have faith that you will provide all of my families needs.  Then immediately he repents as he remembers a promise from God, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life"? Matthew 6:25-34  He sets the mail on the table and then he feels a prompting from the Holy Spirit, to pick up the mail and look again...He pauses picks up the mail and tucked in between a cell phone advertisement and a hospital bill is the check from unemployment.  With a prayer of thanks he runs into the kitchen picks up his wife swings her around and says God is faithful to provide to those who trust in him...

   A single mom kisses her treasures good bye, gives them final instruction on what they are to have for dinner then she heads out the door to work.  She races down the steps, stops and looks around her yard and sees the neglect.  Hangs her head in shame and then looks up and cries out to God, Where is my husband? am I not worthy enough to have someone to share the responsibilities of life with? Where have I gone wrong that I am left to raise my children alone?  What do I need to change so that I might enjoy the fruits of marriage?  My kids need two parents, not one that is at times  barely hanging on. Lord I am trying to be faithful to trust, I know that you have a plan for me and my family.  She then remembers Matthew 6:33, But seek first his kingdom and all his righteousness, and all things will be given to you as well.  She realizes she was having a good old fashion pity party, turns goes back into the house give her kids another kiss good bye and this time when she goes down the steps it was with a smile in her heart and on her face...

   The wife looks down on her sleeping husband and breathes a prayer of relief when she sees the rise and fall of his chest.  Tomorrow will be his 30th birthday and only a few family and friends will be there to celebrate it.  Just this time last year they were planning a huge family camp/cook out when they got the got the call from the doctor telling them they needed to come in and speak with him.  Getting the news that he had a brain tumor that was inoperable. That they needed to get his affairs in order he had 6-months to a year to live.   As they drove home they prayed for healing, they called their church and asked for a prayer chain to be started.  When they did not see the healing that they so desperately prayed for they tried to not ask God where is his healing.  They clung to the promise that God is a healing God.  A God that can moves mountains in the blink of an eye. Months went by and the anniversary of finding out the devastating news was fast approaching. The wife tried not to live in fear of losing the man she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with.  Fighting emotions of anger at God, emotions of feeling rejected by God, then feeling suddenly ashamed for not trusting Him she turned to Him in prayer.  The Lord gently whispered this in her ear, So do not fear, I am with you; do not be dismayed on am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  Isaiah 41:10   Wiping the tears from her eyes she thanked God for the time she has with her husband and remembered to count things with all joy.  She also had a sudden confirmation that God was indeed a healing God and not to lose faith...

       Whether you have dreams of having children, trying not to be fearful of not having a job, wondering if you will always be a single parent, or clinging to the hopes of healing.  Just know that when you fix your eyes upon God and let him take control.  Life becomes more bearable also, your testimony is someone else's push to get through a very tough situation.  It is okay to call out to God and ask where is mine.  This is not a lack of faith it is being humble, honest and transparent with the One who created you.  Listen to what He says to you and if you don't hear anything right away don't lose hope.  He is waiting for you to be still and turn everything over to Him.  He loves you that  much and wants to take care of you.  My prayer for you today is that you do just that let Him take control and wait for His response.
                       ~Missie

 
   



     

"Why me?"

     Ever wonder....WHY ME!?!?!? Why was I chosen for this life? Why is this my story, my successes, and my sorrows ? For years I thought it was wrong to ask. That by doing so I was doubting God, and not trusting His plan for my life. So I kept my questions of why me a secret. People would say "Hello" and it almost always would lead to a "How are you?" I would smile and say, "Good"! But if they scratched the surface of that smile (even a couple layers deep) I would inevitable cry my current circumstance being careful to never ask why me? Throughout the years, I had several opportunities that I wanted too...Why did I not know my Dad as a child, why did he not fight to know me? Why did I grow up moving every single year never having roots or any real friends, and shut out all memory of anything prior to turning age 11? Why did I try to find love and acceptance in boys who always left me feeling ashamed? Why did I have my sweet baby so young (just 2 weeks after turning age 18)? Why did I love someone who would spend 7+ years in prison, and If it was truly love, then why would we hurt each other in every possible way? Why was I surrounded by alcoholics and drug addicts? Why am I now raising four children as a single mother?

WHY IS THIS MY JOURNEY?

     It was a breath of fresh air when I read the story in John 9 where Jesus' own disciples asked this question in verse 2: Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he should be born blind? and then the answer in verse 3: Jesus answered, it was not that this man or his parents sinned, but he was born blind in order that the workings of God should be manifested (displayed and illustrated) in him.  

     It all made sense to me! I was chosen for such a time as this! In every circumstance, in every situation, God knew every outcome before it happened! He would be glorified in every scenario. And the best part, His works would be glorified in me! 

Isaiah 61:3 To grant to those who mourn in Zion, to give them an ornament of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a heavy, burdened, and failing spirit. That they may be called oaks of righteousness the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.

     After all this, I learned that its completely natural and human to ask questions of why me. Because we are not naturally kingdom minded,  usually our first instinct is to doubt, ask did I hear you right, hide, and not expose the corners of our heart. But God requires access to those corners so He can reveal His purpose in every area and be glorified through our obedience.  So, ask! Seek counsel, and wait for God's response and his timing.

      ~Jennifer

  

      

Meet Kelly

Hi, I’m Kelly.

What shall I tell you about me? A little background perhaps.

I’m the oldest of 6 kids. I have 4 sisters and 1 brother. If you count all the step sibs I've had, I’m the oldest of 16.

But that’s not really what I need to tell you. I need to tell how God works in my life.

I’m the daughter of an alcoholic. My dad left when I was 11. That’s also when I left God.

I could take the abuse, the isolation and being molested by a friend’s brother but I didn't have the skills to deal with my family breaking up. I blamed God and hated him for taking away my only security. I turned my back on Him and began a deep descent into darkness. The first time I tried to slit my wrist I was 13. My teen years were filled with hate, frustration, depression, suicidal thoughts and attempts, drugs, sex and witchcraft. I felt useless and unwanted and ugly. My first overdose was at 14 in school. I saw myself sitting at my desk and knew I had to get back to myself before the bell rang.

When I was 18 I married a man who became the father of my two sons. I miscarried two other children as well. My marriage was filled with drug abuse, emotional abuse and deception. I began using methamphetamine after my youngest child was born.

In 1999, I finally got away from that marriage. I was on my own, on the street. When I slept, which was rare, I slept in my car or on someone’s couch. I would stay up for weeks at a time. I began hallucinating and was deep in witchcraft. I had several overdoses during this year.

In November of that year, I turned 28. I woke up on my birthday being choked by a woman. That was the beginning of the end for me. I began shooting up meth that day and doing opium as well. For the next month, I just wanted to die. I hated this life I was existing in and couldn’t see a way out.

On the night of December 9, 1999 I cried out to God to kill me or get me out of this because I couldn't take anymore. Revelation 21:4 kept me alive. “And God shall wipe away all their tears and there shall be no more pain, nor death, nor dying, for the former things are washed away.”

I was arrested the next day. And I never touched meth or opium again.

I went to jail, where I began a relationship with my father again. He helped me into treatment and eventually to find Narcotics Anonymous. There, I was able to get clean from all drugs and alcohol. Not right away, it took me 9 months before I came to the point that I couldn't do it and that God had to do it for me. So, once again, I cried out to Him to help me. I told Him that if I was going to get clean, He had to do it. I knew I wasn't able to. That was in September of 2000. I've not used a drug or drank since.

I wrote a letter to God one day, talking to him about all the qualities I wanted in a husband.

I met Charlie 3 weeks later. We've been inseparable since.

He helped me get my kids back from their grandparents where they’d been living for 3 years. He married me. He helped me go to college and get a degree. Charlie has always been my encourager and support. He’s been there for me when I didn't think I could get through something to tell me that I can and that God is with me. We've been through prophetic assembly together and God says that

we are going to do things together. I’m not alone. It’s taken me a very long time to realize that I’m not alone. I thought I was. God is with me and has given me someone to share this journey of life with.

God has never left me. He has promised that he would always be with me and that I will see Him return for me one day. Even in my darkest moments, even when I walked away, His love for me carried me through. Though there have been many times when I should have died, God has not let that happen. Most recently, I almost drowned in the Payette River 4 years ago. We took an inflatable kayak down when we didn't have training and I couldn't balance. We went right into the hole at the rapid and the kayak went vertical. Charlie got sucked off the end and I flipped over. I was fighting to get to the shore, but unable to before the eddy stopped and the current picked up and took me around the corner. I was praying the whole time, but terror, like I've not experienced since, gripped me. I was shouting at the devil and praying to God, but I didn't trust Him in the middle of it. I was afraid He wasn't there. When I finally gave up and admitted that I didn't have anything left, He showed up and swept me to the edge. I got out shaking to the core. When Charlie finally came down river to get me, I was all done. I gave up. I've realized now, that I gave up on almost everything at that time. I gave up hope and the will to fight. It’s been 4 years, but now I’m starting to see that there is nothing that happens in my life that is apart from Him. His hand is in all things. Anything good that I do will be by His strength and not mine. I just have to keep fighting. So, I will fight.

I fight against depression, I fight against food addiction, I fight against apathy, I fight against hopelessness, I fight against insanity, I fight against the lies that try to make me give up. I fight because my name means “warrior.” That’s who He made me to be.

He has not failed me or let my enemy take me from Him. He is my Security, my Strength and my Hope.

Have You Called Upon God Lately?

 Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come.  Jeremiah 33:3

    Jennifer and I were sitting a coffee shop with a good friend, and the discussion came up about what the difference in claiming God's word for your life and calling upon God's to provide a need or even the desire of your heart.  I always thought that they were the same thing.  Well, they are not.  When you claim something in God's name you are in a sense laying claim to what you believe in.  This my friend is not a bad thing at all, because you have to have faith in Jesus to be able to claim it.

     I call the act of calling something out in Jesus's name taking what you want, desire, need, or claim to the next level.   Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end  Ecclesiastes 3:11.  What this verse means to me is that God has put a desire in our hearts to know our future, but at the same time we cannot see what God has planned for us.  How this ties into calling out to God is in the fact that as a human who is made up of flesh and bone we are not willing to lay idle about our future.  When we go to God in our prayer closet or our secret place and we cry out to God about the desires of our heart.  If we are really willing  to listen to His small still voice he may speak to us.  He may give us a direction or give us a call on our life.  It says in God's word that what ever He has planned for us is final, nothing that we do can add or take away from it.  

    When we call out to God we are calling out the promises He has for us.  In a sense we are asking Him to come through what He has promised.  The next step in this process is to lay everything down at the foot of the cross.  We have went to God in passionate prayer calling out to Him now we need to trust to let go and let God take control.  I from personal experience have "given" something to God, but yet keep going back to remind Him that I still have a "need".  An example of this would be, you go to a restaurant and order dinner.  You know pretty much without a shadow of a doubt that your meal will come  to your  table just as you ordered it.  Seems pretty simple huh? My challenge to you and myself is to take this same type of faith for your meal to God.  Call out to Him, then just simply let go lay it down and trust that He has got your back. ~Missie  



  

The "Net" of protection

   

   

   Since giving my life to Christ, I've heard an array of opinions on the importance of being rooted into a local church. Maybe you've heard some of these quotes from people in your life, or maybe you've said some of them?

"I don't have to go to church to be a Christian"

"We have church at home"

"I don't have to sit in a sanctuary to hear from God"

"My schedule doesn't allow me to get planted anywhere"

     Now, I realize I can only speak from what I've learned in my own recent experiences. Though since having a schedule change I in these last few months (that has prevented me from regular Sunday attendance) it’s been heavy on my heart to bring to light the common question of:

Why is Church so important?

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

A time to be born and a time to die, A time to plant and a time to uproot, A time to kill and a time to heal, A time to tear down and a time to build, A time to weep and a time to laugh, A time to mourn and a time to dance, A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, A time to embrace and a time to refrain, A time to search and a time to give up, A time to keep and a time to throw away, A time to tear and a time to mend, A time to be silent and a time to speak, A time to love and a time to hate, A time for war and a time for peace.

     After eight years of working the day shift Monday through Friday and taking for granted the weekend and evening freedoms, I had the opportunity to be stirred and grow at the expense of that cozy schedule and working an almost opposite shift. It has been a welcomed and difficult change for a couple of reasons. First, the welcomed changes have been the "newness" of different co-workers, a different work location, a pay increase, three days off, and not having to share my days off with the busyness of the "weekenders". However, once all that wore off I was left to re-evaluate at what costs? I now arrive to work two hours earlier, work twice as hard, don't have the luxury of calling out sick or taking a vacation without the surety of coverage, and most sadly don't get to accompany my family to church.

     "Sunday fun-day" as we call it, is such a sacred routine. It involves everyone enjoying some type of sweet, delicious pastry and loud worship music as everyone gets dressed to go the the House of the Lord. Occasionally also accompanied by some type of mishap that keeps the morning interesting...and then everyone heads to their classes with bible and journal in hand, hungry to be fed and encouraged by the Holy Spirit.

     Those feelings of righteousness, peace, and joy that are evident on everyone's face as we hug and say our good byes and plan the rest of the day after church can't be attained through church at home. The Body of Christ is what brings that. Worshiping in one accord as His Bride brings that. Receiving from someone who has given their life to being the hands and feet of Jesus and then applying the spoken Word and message is what brings that.

     When we are separated, isolated, and distant from those people God has placed in our lives as ambassadors, prayer warriors, and fellow brothers and sisters; we (unbeknownst to us) allow doubt, complacency, offense, apathy, and usually offense to creep in. Romans 8:35 tells us that nothing can separate us from God, though we can walk away...Scary!

     The important thing is not to become so independent on your own comfort that you actually rely on yourself and your own strength to carry the load that Jesus is meant to carry and become your own identity as opposed to God's design for you, where you were created to be in His identity.

     So, how I'm surviving this season before I can rejoin my family in Sunday attendance at our local church is by staying connected in every other way possible! Basically, if the church doors are open, I need to be in attendance. I've joined a small group, a bible study, early morning prayer, being held accountable to several leaders, listening online to the same message my family hears, and taking every opportunity to worship as the Holy Spirit leads with a song on the radio or when I wake up with a song in my heart.  It's not ideal, but for now my "net of protection" is staying connected to the Body of Christ in any way that I can until this season passes.

~Jennifer  

 

  

NO LONGER AN ADDICT

 Hello, my name is Wendy, and I am no longer a drug addict.
  
      I started using drugs when I was 12. Well, I guess I had my first drink of alcohol at about age 5, champagne as part of a New Year's Celebration. But the first time I intentionally used drugs as a means of escape was at age 12. I began with the heavier stuff like pain pills, marijuana and meth, then very quickly moved onto drinking alcohol, dropping acid and huffing whatever would get me high. Cigarettes were in there somewhere as well. By the time I was 15, I was a full blown alcoholic, getting kicked out of school for showing up drunk, and even running away from home, sleeping in an old abandoned house I had found during the winter. Getting arrested was nothing new to me. For some reason I found great favor in the court system and fortunately never spent any time in Juvenile Detention, like many of my friends did.

      I began using drugs as a means of escape from the emotional pain and hopelessness I had encountered during life. As I graduated high school and moved out on my own, I sold drugs to support my habits and began to drink heavily every day. One binge lasting for a year and half. I didn't know that there was anything else better than the life I was living, and I didn't want to stop. It wasn't until I strangled my best friend, one drunken night- that I realized not only did I have a problem, but I wanted to stop. 
  
 I needed help.

       I went to jail that time for a short while, and then faithfully attended mandatory AA classes, where I learned the hopeless message of once an addict, always an addict. I met with an older woman who shared her story of being a cocaine addict. Sober 20 years now, she informed me that if the drug was in front of her, she would lose all resolve and relapse- losing everything she had worked toward. I remember walking down the street after speaking with this lady, feigning tremendously toward the drugs that had once consumed my body, and feeling like I was in Hell. I decided if there was no hope of ever being free from this- then I would simply give in, get high, and at least enjoy my life to some degree. There was nothing worse than the intense cravings I suffered, and if that lady was right- I would always be like that. I went back to using drugs, though not fully. I worked two full time jobs to try and stay out of trouble, but life got really boring, really quick. After about a year, I found myself drinking and selling drugs again.

      Then I met a guy and soon became pregnant. Being a mom was everything to me! I had a message burned on my heart to break the cycle and raise my children differently! I thought I would be different once I became a mother. I thought I could stop doing drugs for my children. I found myself one day, waking up when my baby was 9 months old, high on meth and hung over. I hadn't seen my child in 3 days- Grandma was taking care of her while we partied. I wanted out, desperately. I left my child's father and moved in with my parents, and for two years worked hard at getting back on my feet. I moved out again on my own, and soon found myself in yet again, more trouble. This time, heroin was involved.
  
       I can't quite explain the chain of events that occurred next, you really had to have been there to understand- but I had been trying so hard to be a 'Good Mom', and a 'Good Person'. But no matter how hard I tried, I kept ending up right where I had started. Everywhere I turned, there was failure. I tried joining the Air Guard in hopes of getting some sort of discipline and purpose into my life, but was quickly turned away due to my drug use. Right in the middle of a war, and not even the military would take me.
  
 The emptiness I felt was unbearable, and I gave up all resolve. What was the point?

I became pregnant again.
  
       After my son was born, I suffered from post-partum depression so badly, that I couldn't keep a job. I could barely get out of bed and I did everything I could to keep a steady supply of pain pills coming. They were the only things keeping me going. I so desperately wanted to live a normal, happy life and be a normal, happy mom. I had no support, no help, no peace, no hope.

      I sat on my back porch one day, unable to work, unable to take care of my kids, and about to have nowhere to live. Then it hit me. Drugs were NOT the answer. No matter how much I had, I would never be content. I would never be satisfied or fulfilled.

      I had heard once of a God who loved beyond all measure, a God who had a plan for us that was for good. All my life I tried to be good enough for Him. But everything I did, I failed at. I had nothing to offer, and I didn't want to live. I figured my kids were better off without me. Anything had to have been better than what I was giving them. I looked up at the sky, and said, "God, this cannot be Your plan for my life. I can't do anything for You. If you want me here- You gotta to fix me.."

 Eight days later, I found myself in a life-giving church where I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.
  
 I learned that day that God loves me -despite my constant failure- so much that He sent His only Son to take my sin and past away.

 I learned that day, that I did the things I did, because I was a sinner. I wasn't a sinner because of what I did.
  
 I learned that day, that Jesus was the Only way.
  
  I learned that if I repented, and turned from my sin, He would forgive me and cleanse me of all unrighteousness.
  
 I learned that Jesus had been knocking on the door of my heart, waiting for me to let Him in.

 I made a decision to let Him in.

      Over the course of the next 6 months, I fought hard against the lie of addiction against my life. I would rip up my cigarettes, only to find myself at the store four hours later buying another pack. I knew it was a waste of money, but there something different about me. I had hope of freedom from this miserable life, and I had a new strength within me that would not allow me to give up. I had been trying all these years to do it in my own strength, but apart from Christ, I could do nothing.

      I finally beat addiction that May of 2007. I have not touched drugs since. The high I have in the Lord is much greater than any drug I ever did! I am still human, and sometimes depression or emptiness try to come back- but when that happens, I turn to the Lord and He delivers me. I know He will comfort me like no drug has ever been able to.

John 8:36 says that who the Son sets free, is truly free. I am not a recovering addict- I am recovered!

      2 Corinthians 5:17 states that anyone who belongs to Christ becomes a new person. When I see or smell people smoking, I barely even remember that I used to do it myself. It's as if it is a distant memory of someone I used to know...Christ has traded places with me, taking my sin and shame, and giving me instead His hope, peace and righteousness! And I will be leaving a new legacy for my children! There has even been times where I was prescribed narcotic medications for minor surgeries or broken bones. I was concerned that if I took those pills, I would fall right back into those same habits. But the Lord told me that He would walk me through. I took these medications with no relapses- their 'highs' were nothing compared to what I had in Christ!

I knew then that I was truly free...   There is hope after addiction- and once an addict, always an addict is a lie!

I am a new creation, I am free- and you can be free, too!