"Why me?"

     Ever wonder....WHY ME!?!?!? Why was I chosen for this life? Why is this my story, my successes, and my sorrows ? For years I thought it was wrong to ask. That by doing so I was doubting God, and not trusting His plan for my life. So I kept my questions of why me a secret. People would say "Hello" and it almost always would lead to a "How are you?" I would smile and say, "Good"! But if they scratched the surface of that smile (even a couple layers deep) I would inevitable cry my current circumstance being careful to never ask why me? Throughout the years, I had several opportunities that I wanted too...Why did I not know my Dad as a child, why did he not fight to know me? Why did I grow up moving every single year never having roots or any real friends, and shut out all memory of anything prior to turning age 11? Why did I try to find love and acceptance in boys who always left me feeling ashamed? Why did I have my sweet baby so young (just 2 weeks after turning age 18)? Why did I love someone who would spend 7+ years in prison, and If it was truly love, then why would we hurt each other in every possible way? Why was I surrounded by alcoholics and drug addicts? Why am I now raising four children as a single mother?

WHY IS THIS MY JOURNEY?

     It was a breath of fresh air when I read the story in John 9 where Jesus' own disciples asked this question in verse 2: Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he should be born blind? and then the answer in verse 3: Jesus answered, it was not that this man or his parents sinned, but he was born blind in order that the workings of God should be manifested (displayed and illustrated) in him.  

     It all made sense to me! I was chosen for such a time as this! In every circumstance, in every situation, God knew every outcome before it happened! He would be glorified in every scenario. And the best part, His works would be glorified in me! 

Isaiah 61:3 To grant to those who mourn in Zion, to give them an ornament of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a heavy, burdened, and failing spirit. That they may be called oaks of righteousness the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.

     After all this, I learned that its completely natural and human to ask questions of why me. Because we are not naturally kingdom minded,  usually our first instinct is to doubt, ask did I hear you right, hide, and not expose the corners of our heart. But God requires access to those corners so He can reveal His purpose in every area and be glorified through our obedience.  So, ask! Seek counsel, and wait for God's response and his timing.

      ~Jennifer