The Call of a Husband and Father

   

 There is something God has written on my heart with great conviction. It is what His love is supposed to look like in our lives. We all have people in our lives that we love, and we love them the best that we can. In my life I came to terms with the reality that the best love I had to give to those I cared most about was not enough. What is on the inside always comes out, no matter how diligently we strive to make things different. I was a selfish boy who cared more for me than for those I loved. It was that selfishness that corrupted the love I sought to give. What came out was the best I had to give, but it was really all about me.

It was this truth that God used to bring me to Himself. I didn’t want to hurt anyone anymore. I didn’t want to hurt my wife. I didn’t want to hurt my kids. The turning of my heart was a moment when I cried out to God with complete sincerity to just make me the man my wife and kids needed me to be. I didn’t ask Him to help me. I didn’t ask Him to make things better for me. I asked Him to do whatever it took for me to be the man they needed me to be. This was the beginning of my new life.

     God showed me that the only way I could love my family the way they need to be loved is if I would lay down my life. I had to die so that they could live. I had to take up my cross so that I could love them the way they need to be loved. I realized that only through defeating selfishness could I give of myself in such a manner that my love would be genuinely felt by the recipient

      It is the love that God showed me when He suffered the crucifixion that has changed my life. While I was still in rebellion against Him, living selfishly for myself and hurting the people around me, He still loved me. He pursued me in spite of myself, and never gave up on me. It is this love, unconditional and sacrificial, that I wanted to be able to give to my family. By yielding to God, He has shown me what love is supposed to look like. After all, God is love.

     I now love my wife and kids. God has shown me that I am to love her as He has loved me. I am to not give up, and I am to lay down my life for her just as He did for me. I had caused great pain for my wife in the past, and those wounds are not yet healed. I must continue to trust God and His timing while I wait for Him to bring about what He has shown me. It is the impossible, and truly when I see with my sight instead of by faith the fear and doubt come rushing in.

     I cannot say that I know much, but I can say that I know God. I know love for the first time in my life. Because I know love, I know hope. Without God I am nothing but a selfish vacuum where my best is short of ever being what I would want it to be. With God, it is Him working through me. He can and will do what I cannot. Love is sacrifice. Love is everything, and without love there is nothing. I am bound to what God has shown me. Though the doubts and fears come, God always moves to keep me on track. He is faithful even when I am not.

Osa McDonald

6/10/13

Believing God

In the hope of eternal life, which God who cannot lie, promised long ago. Titus 1:2 (Life Principles Bible)

     Many times in my life I needed one I can put all my hope in, one I could trust, a person I knew would follow through with what he said.  Character: a distinctive trait, quality, moral strength and reputation.  Character it's what you know about a person.  It's someone you know you can count on and will always be there for you.  There isn't a doubt in your mind how we can trust this one person.  How many people do we know who are like that? In my own personal experience of life we can change like the seasons we are in.  If the weather is warm, we are in a good mood.  If money is plentiful we are happy because we place our trust in things, money and people.  People change that is a certainty, we grow, we live daily lives, and adjust ourselves to the experiences at hand.

       How well can I say that I know the character of God?  Do I trust His word when it tells me that He is one that cannot lie? In Hebrews 6:18,  So that by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have taken refuge would have strong encouragement to take hold of the hope set before us. 

     When I first came to the Lord I was going through a divorce and I lost custody of my son.  I was homeless and did not have any family to help me out.  I learned to trust the promises of God.  Many years after my divorce I have seen God come through for me over and over again.  Through out my life He provided love, protection, guidance, and many blessings.  Even today He continues to be steadfast and faithful  What amazes me is how true to His word He is, even though I fail him daily.  Do not love money; be satisfied with what you have.  For God has said, I will never fail you, I will never abandon you.  Hebrew 13:5 

     God has promised me things for my future.  Do I lose faith because the promises don't come when I think they should come true?  No! When I am ready and willing to listen to Him I am able to know His promises will come to life.I also know that God's word can be counted on, I can trust His testimony that has set His seal upon to this truth that His word is true.  Anyone who excepts His testimony can affirm that God is true. John 3:33   I may lose heart on getting what God said He would give me, but He is faithful, and He will come through for me...in His timing.

     In the meantime, I will enjoy the journey called life.  I will stand on this firm foundation of knowing that God is incapable of lying to me. This gives me such a rest , such a peace and I am thankful that He won't forget what He has promised me.

God is not a man, so he does not lie.  He is not human, so He does not change His mind.  Has He ever spoken and failed to act?  Has He ever promised and carried it through?  Numbers 3:33

~Sandra Dockery-laroque

   

Walking with Him: Missie's Personal Application

For we walk by faith, not by sight.

 2 Corinthians 5:7

     I had someone ask me one time, "How do you make it through all of life's troubles? I have seen you go through so much and you just press forward with a confidence that I have never seen before.  What is your secret"?  I just looked at her a smiled and thought to myself if you only knew what goes on inside of me when I let my emotions get out of control.  I replied, "I have not always been this way.  In  my before Christ days I was a mess".  I then began to tell her my "secret"...The only way I make it day by day, minute by minute, and second by second is through my Savior Christ Jesus.  I walk by faith and not by sight, because I have a complete trust that God will pull me through anything that is thrown my way.  For you see God has a plan for me and he is never surprised by things that happen in my life.

   For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. 

 They are plans for good and not for disaster,

 to give you a future and a hope.

 Jeremiah 29:11  

With this promise I know that God can bring me through any battles that may come my way.  I need to put all of my trust in Him by doing this I am letting him be in control of my life.  I have gone through seasons where I ignored God and did things in my own strength. When this happened my life spun out of control and my world fell apart.  I personally don't like this feeling of helplessness, so now I turn everything to God.  I am   a very thankful and humble person these days.  I will admit I still tend to go around the same mountain a time or two. Now I recognize when I am doing this and at this point I give it back to God.  My personal prayer to Him is thank you Jesus for being there for me and helping me through things.  Remember God wants to be able to do this for you, so just let whatever it is go, and it will be okay. ~Missie 

Walking with Him: Jennifer's Personal Application

     What does "Walking with Him" mean to me? 

• It's a Decision: that is made everyday to wake up and thank Him for another day. 
• It's Faith: Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. 
• It's Prayer: Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer in petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
• It's  Repentance: 2 Corinthians 7:10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret. 
• It's Praise: Psalms 119:175 Let me live that I may praise you. 

All of these are "Steps" that I choose to take each day to "Walk with Him" and be changed in His presence. My Faith is a relationship that grows everyday and through all of life's ups and downs is something that requires my constant attention. 

My Prayer life is an array of conversations throughout the day. In my prayer journal, in the car, around the meal table, giving thanks, in my head silently, and out loud shouting from the roof tops. It's a give and take of listening and receiving from Him through a song on the radio, a verse that jumps off the page in my bible, and that still small voice. 

Repentance isn't just a weekly heart examination at church, It's a daily account taken of my thoughts, actions, and choices. When I feel a distance and separation during prayer, I know something is hindering me from accessing the presence of God and requires me to go into a quiet room and humbly ask Him, "What is it"? "What's keeping me from feeling close to you"? Every time, He is faithful to show me.Every time, He is faithful to forgive me and welcome me into His presence with open arms. 

Saving the best for last, My walk is full of Praise! I love to worship and give thanks for His ever steady hand. For protecting, providing, changing, growing, and shaping me into exactly who He's called me to be for His purposes. 

~Jenn  

Idenity

 the state or fact of remaining the same one as under varying aspects or conditions the condition of being oneself or itself and not another He doubted his own identity condition or character as to who a person or what a thing is a case of mistaken identity the state or fact of being the same one as described the sense of self providing sameness and continuity in personality over time.

It is very easy to get lost in someone else's identity and let your life become their goals, ideas, wants and desires.  This is not what God has planned for us for we are each a new creation in Christ as an individual.  He created us equal but yet different at the same time.  He has a purpose and a plan for our lives.  One thing that must remain steadfast is that we keep our identity in Him and not in others.  This is a lesson he as taught me to lose myself in Him and not others.  During an amazing church service I felt the Lord's presence, I felt His love and His peace just wash over  me.  As I was leaving the sanctuary I felt that presence leave and all of a sudden I felt very alone. I saw all my church family talking, laughing and making lunch plans.  I walked through the crowd and I suddenly felt invisible, I felt like I was walking in slow motion.  Then the doubting words of the enemy began to creep in my head.  I heard things like, "No loves you", "If you left right now and never came back no one would notice".  I was so confused because I had just had an glorious time with the Lord, how could this be happening?  I gathered my boys up and walked  fast to my car  holding back the tears.  The words of doubt got stronger and louder, they were the only things I could hear.  I was trying to put on a happy face for my kids I didn't want them  to know that anything was wrong.  We made it home and through lunch without any incidents.  I told boys I was not feeling well and was going to lay down. When I got into my room I let everything out.  I started crying out to God asking why did he leave me.  A small still but yet firm voice said, "Find your identity in Me".  "I am the one who makes you complete, I am the one you need to turn to in your time of need".  It took me a moment to realize that He never left me, and that I had let the enemy come in and steal my joy.  I had gotten to a point in my Christian walk where I was finding my identity in others around me.  I was seeking approval from my friends and not seeking the One who made me for who I am.  The One who loves me completely and has my best interest in mind. Now days when the enemy wants to come in I don't fall into the trap, I just reach out to Jesus and ask Him to help me through.  For now I know those are the lies that Satan wants me to believe.  I also start to reach out to others when this is happening, by doing this it takes my focus away from me and onto others.  I am not perfect and I will probably continue to fight this battle, but now I have the tools on how to win it.  ~Blessings Missie~

 "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and delivered Himself up for me. Galatians 2:20     

Failure...it's okay

To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present 

you before his glorious presence without fault and with great

 joy - to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and

 authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, 

now and forevermore! Amen.  Jude 1:24-25

   

     The Lord is faithful in all that he does, through the good times and the bad times He is always there for us.  The season that He has me in is both wonderful and hard at the same time.  I am currently going to school to get a degree in Nursing.  I am just at the beginning stages.  Getting the pre-requisite classes out of the way so I can apply to Nursing school.  Every class that I take now is critical in getting this accomplished.  I just finished year two second semester, I knew going into it, that it would be hard.  In fact I would send out text messages weekly asking for prayer.  My two toughest classes were Biology 227 (Anatomy and Physiology), and Math 108.  Right off the bat these two classes were a struggle for me, but I had the drive to keep pressing in.  About halfway into the semester you have the opportunity to drop them so as not to receive a failing grade.  After much prayer, I committed to stay in the classes.  

     I didn't want to be considered a failure by dropping both of them or even one of them.  This could be looked at as a pride thing...the verdict is still out on this.  I really just wanted to put my faith and trust in the Lord that he will pull me through.  What I needed to remember is that I in turn needed to do my part.  Meaning to be more diligent in my time management, be more focused on what is important and what is not.  As the semester progressed and my grades where slowly falling I let the enemy come in and steal my confidence in myself.  I started stressing about every little thing and was not at peace. 

  Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.  Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith.  Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are.  1 Peter 5:8-9

     It became so bad that I was feeling like a fraud...my friends and family would tell me that they were so proud of me and what I was doing.  They were proud of my hard work in going to school, but what they didn't realize was that every time I heard those words I would cringe inside!  I felt like I was failing everyone because I had two classes that I was barely passing.  I would respond with something like, "Thanks, but this semester has been a really hard one... I knew it would be going in, just keep me in your prayers".  I was afraid if I told them what really was happening I would have to see the looks of disappointment on their face.  In a sense, what I was not doing was trusting the Lord to help me.  I told myself I was letting the Lord be in control when actually I was really trying to do it in my own strength.  Then one morning, as I was getting ready for school it hit me... I had let the enemy come in like the roaring lion and devour me.  Then I got mad and in Jesus's name I began claiming the ground I had let Satan take from me.  A great peace settled upon my soul and I started reaching out to friends I went to school with and asking them to study with me.  I was past the point of receiving a high enough grade to move to the next level for these two classes, but I wasn't going down without a fight!  During this process, I had to eat a lot of humble pie so to speak and swallow my pride to let the Lord take over.

 Well, the semester is now over and I am signed up to retake Biology and Math in the fall semester.  My thoughts and feelings on this are in a positive direction.  The Lord is faithful to have us walk through these journeys, they help us gain strength and wisdom.  I learned a lot about my self this past year.  It is okay to reach out and ask for help, it is okay to be transparent and it is okay to fail.  I really don't look at as failing just a way to move forward as long as I have the Lord with me. ~Missie

 Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all you that hope in the LORD.Psalm 31:34

   

Dying to Become the Perfect Mom

My world comes crashing down around me, yet in the darkest valley, they still need me and I get up, responding to their needs and putting my own aside.

Sacrifices made go unnoticed and their ungratefulness pierces my heart like a dagger.

“You don’t love me!”

The knife twists. If you only knew how much I love you, like I’ve never loved anyone, so much that it hurts.

Memories wash over me and I’m back at that moment when he first came into this world. I remember how every agonizing moment of pregnancy and labor was instantly forgotten and I’m amazed, once again, by the beauty of it all. Where did I go wrong?

“Why don’t you cook something I like?”

Feelings of failure cripple me as I pause, look at my children, and wish I could be so much more for them.

Three years post cancer-diagnosis and I am still exhausted all the time. I am not the mother that I long to be. They don’t even remember what I was like before. They were so young. 

“Why don’t you ever play with us? Why can’t you be fun like Daddy?”

Tears burn in my eyes and I look away. I’m so tired. So unbelievably tired. And they are just too young to understand.

No more field trips and adventures. No more intricate meals with secretly hidden vegetables made to taste delicious. No more story books at bedtime or enriching activities. No more charts that transform chores into games. No more consistency in anything.

Aren’t these the things that make me a good mom?

Parenting has changed me. It has exposed my heart, revealing all that is inside and leaving me raw and vulnerable. My weaknesses and character flaws are exposed and brought into the light. And I want more than anything to save my children from them, from all my mistakes and shortcomings.

I fall to my knees, desperate and humble, knowing there is only one place left to go. What I find there is not what I expect. I expect God to heal me and make me strong. I expect him to make me into my image of the perfect mom. I cry, “Do it Lord! For their sake!”

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

~ 2 Cor. 12:8-10

Do I dare believe this? As I take the step of faith, the perfectionist in me gasps for air and takes its dying breath. I find grace. And I yield to His will.

…

He comes into my room and tucks me into bed, hugging his little body tightly to mine.

“I love you more than sugar cubes and popsicles!”

He’s learned to comfort those who are weak.

”Mom, can I make dinner so you can rest?”

He’s learned to serve.

“I want to be a mommy when I grow up – just like you. Except I want to be a mommy princess that lives in a tower.”

She admires me. Not because of all the wonderful things I do for her, but because I am with her, all the time.

They don’t need a perfect childhood or perfect parents.

They need to know I’m on their side.

They need to know that God is there in the darkest times.

They need to know life doesn't always go the way we want.

They need to see what depending on the Lord really looks like.

They need to know where to run when they fail.

And they need to learn that it is in their weakness that God’s power is made perfect.

Not in their good works. Not in their success. Not in their perfectionism.

But in their weakness.

And there they will find God’s grace.

Thank you Stephanie Lasaster for sharing your heart with us.  What an amazing journey God has brought you through. ~Jennifer and Missie