Expectations...

     a belief that someone will or should achieve something...Expectations...has been definitely a life lesson for the year 2015. I did not realize until this year that I would set a certain expectation of someone, then get upset if they did not meet them. I must admit this was a very hard lesson for me to learn!!  I would get emotional and almost hold a grudge if things did not go the way I thought they should. I would not throw a fit or anything like that.  I would just get disappointed and then wait for the person to fail, which caused me to be disappointed again.  Do you see the stupid viscous circle I was traveling in?  Then to make it worse I could not let it go, I would replay the thing in my mind over and over and over and over...

    Then I when I finally realized it, I went the opposite direction...I went into everything is my fault mode, meaning since I realized the problem and I knew I was the cause of it.  The effect of that was, I would be too careful as not to take an offense or get upset if things did not go as I expected.  That was not healthy on any level, I shall call this phase denial.  Fortunately enough I did not stay in this place of mind for to long.  

     Instead my denial returned back towards anger, but on a different level...I took all the hurt, anger and self-berating out on the person...In my mind I was like so if they aren't willing to change, why should I?  I would try not to set anytype of expectaion, that way I could not get disappointed.  ( Let me throw in a quick disclaimer this is not about any one person, it is how I handle every life situation.) The funny thing is the person never really knew I was upset.  I would have a greater than thou attitude, I will call this my passive aggressive mindset.  

     What happened next is I had a come to Jesus meeting...or should I say He had a meeting with me?  Jesus reminded me what grace was.  How His grace is freely given, and that I should be doing the same.  A spiritual light bulb came on, or if you will say a renewal of what grace is.  I do now what I should have done then, when a situation arises and I am frustrated, I turn it back to Him.  I ask for me to have understanding, to see the situation or person as He does, and I ask for me to have peace.  I ask for His patience in the waiting, or to just be able to let it go.  I also ask for help in realizing that the expectation I may be setting is unrealistic.  My prayer also includes that the person has a Jesus given conviction.  Meaning if they need to work on something, God helps them see it.  This is not to make me right on any level, it is just that we all have areas we need help with.  This journey has been a long painful one, but one that needed to be traveled.  My challenge to you is that you go in prayer an ask God to help you in any area that you need it.  By doing this you can give it to Him to help you with it...Just my  2cents...

R.E.M.A.I.N

     One thing I have learned this past year is, to remain in Him.  God is my forever constant.  In times of trial I know that I can look to Him and He will always be there.  I have to be honest with you, I  didn't always let Him be in control.  There where times I would take things into my own hands, and then I would end up with a mess.  Sadly, this was not an overnight process of my coming to understand this.  No, I would go about my day with my world crashing around me.  Then I would finally realize that I needed to let go.  When I made that decision my life would get a lot easier.  I am not saying that all my problems would go away.  I just now know how to handle them...by me giving it to God.
   
     Part of this awakening was when it came to my personal relationships.  I came to a realization that I was putting a lot of effort into people that no longer wanted to be my friend.  I must admit this sting for a while, but then when God showed me what I was missing.  Was my family begging me to see them. They need me to see them for what they are, very precious gems that the Lord gave me.  I am learning  to keep things simple and not let the things of the world stress me out.  I apologized to my family and refocused my energies on them.  I thank God for letting me see what was going on.  I did not want my kids to grow up not really having a relationship with me.  I want them to realize they are extremely important.   I am asking God to help me restore my relationship with Him, asking Him to keep showing me how to remain in Him and Him only.  At night as I close my eyes to sleep I say a prayer of thanks for things that He has provided for me.  I ask Him to walk me through my day, to tell me about my success and my needs to improve on. I ask Him to continue to help me see my family the way that He does, and to remind me daily how precious they are to me.  I encourage you to do the say, ask God to show you how to remain in Him.  Ask Him to show you your daily success and your daily need to improve ons.  Just know that there is no doubt and condemnation that comes from Him.  Just open your heart to what He has to say, have the confidence He is talking to you in love.  Just my2cents

Sharing a Fav!

Ezekiel 37:1-14New Living Translation (NLT)

A Valley of Dry Bones

37 The Lord took hold of me, and I was carried away by the Spirit of the Lordto a valley filled with bones. 2 He led me all around among the bones that covered the valley floor. They were scattered everywhere across the ground and were completely dried out. 3 Then he asked me, “Son of man, can these bones become living people again?”

“O Sovereign Lord,” I replied, “you alone know the answer to that.”

4 Then he said to me, “Speak a prophetic message to these bones and say, ‘Dry bones, listen to the word of the Lord! 5 This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Look! I am going to put breath into you and make you live again! 6 I will put flesh and muscles on you and cover you with skin. I will put breath into you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’”

7 So I spoke this message, just as he told me. Suddenly as I spoke, there was a rattling noise all across the valley. The bones of each body came together and attached themselves as complete skeletons. 8 Then as I watched, muscles and flesh formed over the bones. Then skin formed to cover their bodies, but they still had no breath in them.

9 Then he said to me, “Speak a prophetic message to the winds, son of man. Speak a prophetic message and say, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, O breath, from the four winds! Breathe into these dead bodies so they may live again.’”

Through the eyes of man it seems

There's so much we have lost

As we look down the road where all

The prodigals have walked

And one by one the enemy 

Has whispered lies

And led them off as slaves

But I know that you are God,

Yours is the victory

We know there is more to come

That we may not yet see

So with the faith you've given us

We step into the valley unafraid

(Chorus)

We call out to dry bones,

Come alive, come alive

We call out to dead hearts,

Up out of the ashes,

Let us see an army rise

We call out to dry bones, come alive

God of endless mercy,

God of unrelenting love

Rescue every daughter

Bring us back the wayard sons

And by Your spirit breathe upon them

Show the world that You alone can save

You alone can save

(chorus)

So breathe, oh breath of God

Now breathe, oh breath of God

Breathe, of breath of God

Now breathe

(repeat 4x)

(Chorus)

We call out to dry bones come alive

Oh come alive

Oh come alive

~~Lauren Daigle~~

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ew53fdyVVrY

This is the link to her video, it explains the message behind the song.  I have posted this type of message before, but it is something The Lord has put on my heart again.  It was a personal wake up call from Him, saying I am here to revive your dry bones.  I am here to breathe a new life into you.  I am here to give you a new hope and passion.  So, you see even if life or life situations seem bleak, or you are just going through the motions.  You feel like you may have lost your way.  Not necessarily lost your love or faith in God, but maybe you just need a fresh breath of life. Take a moment and ask Him to breathe His life into you.  You will be amazed when He answers...just my  cents

I am That...Girl!

Today I volunteered for the Idaho Wine Run, while my best friend ran her first 10k.  When I first got there I was feeling intimidated by all the women who were walking around getting ready to run.  All I saw was fit girls who looked this was going to be a walk in the park.  My volunteer position was first aide station one.  We handed out water, Gatorade and fruit.  As the first runners came upon us we all started cheering, and a sense of community started to settle in around us.  We started getting word of thanks, my response was no thank you!!! YOU are doing an amazing job keep up the good work, you got this!.  I would hear other runners encourage each other.  When the 5k runners came to us, I started to see women who looked like me...little do they know that they gave me so much encouragement just by them running by me.  While Jennifer and I was driving home we were talking about the run.  We both agreed to try get more proactive in getting in shape for the next run which is in November. We both agreed the running community is pretty much amazing and very accepting of other people.  All I heard was encouragement.  I have done a 5k, but mostly walking it and I loved every minute of it, but that was last year.  I had lost my mojo to work out and keep living a healthier life style.  When I told some of the other volunteers a little bit about myself, they said don't give up. Thank you! You lighted a fire of hope in me, I had forgotten about.  Another thing Jennifer and I talked about how we had read something to the effect of  when experienced runner sees a new runner who was just starting out.  Has these thoughts going through her head:  I am so proud of you! When you run by me, don't look down...look me in the eye, so you can see how much I admire you.  Keep up what you are doing and you will get there.  Well now it is my turn to give you thanks...for I am that girl who is scared to look you in the eye.  I don't want you to see me struggling or to see me about to pass out.  Thank you for willing to give me hope.  Thank you for your kind words.  Thank you for giving me the extra push to keep going...I am That Girl!!! Who can't thank you enough...just my 2cents

      

A.N.G.E.R.R.R...

 

That moment when you get so angry you feel as if you are turning in to a green monster.  The outcome is not pleasant.  You feel a tornado of emotions running through you.  I get that...I have been there.  When I get this angry all I see is black...literally all I physically see is black. My voice drops down about 3 octaves and my eyebrows form a straight line, kinda of like a uni brow.  It is rare I get to this point, but when I do I have to put myself in time out.  I am a slow burner type of girl which is good, If you want to call any form of anger good. Is anger good one may ask.  Well yes and no.  What the bible says about anger that it is not a sin unless it is self motivated by pride.  It is a natural God given emotion.  An emotion when it is used correctly. For example, when  one is angry at the cause of injustice towards another, and is conveyed in a way to help the other it is not a sin.  Anger becomes a sin when it is allowed to boil over without restraint, resulting in a scenario in which hurt is multiplied.  Proverbs 29:11 states that a fool vents his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.  As a side note: this verse does not mean hold all your anger in, but just be wise how you vent it.  If this type of emotion is left unchecked or unresolved then when it is unleashed it can be damaging.  The damage is to the one receiving it, or emotionally damaging to the one holding it all in.  If you get that point of no return the best thing you can do is drop down on your knees and ask God to take over.  

Recently I was in a situation where I felt an injustice was being done to me.  At first I was hurt and when the situation was not being resolved in the way "I" thought it should be.  The hurt turned to anger...As the wrongdoing started to settle into my soul, the peace I usually felt was turning into turmoil.  I wanted to scream out loud, UNFAIR!!  This feeling lasted for about a day or two.  Then in a moment of clarity I realized that I was not giving it to God. I finally went to Him in prayer and asked Him to take the anger away.  In the same moment He helped me examine myself to take ownership of my part of the situation.  I must be honest I still don't like the results of what happened, but I now have peace.  In addition, it is very humbling when you have to admit to yourself that you are wrong.  Not always a good feeling, but if you handle it right it can a lesson that ends well.  What I found is from time to time if I ask God to reveal to me what needs adjusting.  Even though I know there might be some discomfort involved, it always ends well.  Just my 2cents, Missie.

  

Friendship and how Important it Is!

     I heard someone on the radio the other day talking about friendship.  The point the speaker was making no matter how busy you are in life, always remember to keep in touch with your friends.  Just as a plant needs to be nurtured, so does a friendship.  If you give a plant lack of water and food it dies.  If you don't sow into a friendship it dies.  Relationships are a two way street.  Both parties need to realize that even though life gets busy, the friendship they share is just as important.  One might find themselves in situation where a friend is needed. If they have not maintained their friendship, then in their time of need they might not have anyone there to help them.  In addition, once you find a true friend who is willing to stick with you through the thick and thin.  You need to be thankful for this person.  In a sense this person in some point of their life will put your needs above their's, and you will probably be willing to do the same.

     On a personal note:  I started to have a busy season in my life, I had met my future husband. While developing a foundation for our relationship, and maintaining my friendship proved to be a challenge. I look back now and realize that I was not doing a very good job of it.  I probably let some of my friends down, no more like I know I let some of my friends down.  When I realized what was happening it was to late for one of them.  Let me tell you the loss of a friend, is kin to loss of a family member.  The grief is the same and hard to get through.  I now pray for this person daily and hope the damaged can be repaired.  I hate that feeling that I have let someone down. To me that is a huge deal, I want to be the why can't everyone get along type person.  It was a hard lesson to learn, but now my outlook on friendship is different and reflects in a new light. A lesson in life I hope not to ever forget.

       Now I try to be the friend God has called me to be, to love as He loves, and to trust as He trust.  I try to return phone calls, texts messages,or any type of communication that I receive.  As I mentioned earlier it was a hard lesson to learn, and not one that I want to learn again.  Also, in the process I am learning what type of friends to keep close. Meaning that not everyone of my friends can best of buddies.  It seems to make life a little simpler that way.  I know realize that friendship is really is a give and take.  That if I set an expectation on how I think a friendship should be, does not mean the other person has that same expectation.  I need to extend the grace I am expecting to receive.  I need to learn how to just listen and be there for them in that moment of time.  I am learning how to build up another person in a different way that I have in the past.  There are times all a person needs is someone to listen, and try not to fix things.  Not to say everything is going to be okay, and give advice I am not sure I should give.  I do know that it is my job to direct my friend who may be in need back to God.  He is the One who can make things right, or help them get through the tough times.  I just need to pray for them, or if they  let me join them in prayer.

     Now here comes the hardest part of the lesson I learned...Letting go! Realizing that a person did not want to be friends with me.  I have never gone through something like this before, and It was hard for me to wrap my thoughts/heart around this concept.  What helped me a little was realizing that I had let the person down, and I needed to ask God to help me...then move on.  I am not perfect and I had put an expectation on a friendship that should have not been put there.  I must admit I had my angry what the heck happened moments.  The why is all sudden there is no returning of my calls, ect.  The confusion of what went wrong????  When there was a response it was everything was fine, but yet it wasn't...The hurt behind all this is still a little tender and real, but God whisperd in my ear...forgive as I forgave.  You don't know the struggles the person is going through.  Don't judge, just sit back and wait.  The door may open to the friendship again, or it may not.  Just trust in Me and I will make all things right.

         Then I asked Him to send me a best friend who I could turn to, to trust and to love.  He replied, I sent you Ray.  Ray whom I am now married to me is the best gift God has given to me along with my children.  I never thought I would ever be worthy of such a gift, but knew the desires of my heart and provided me with such a gift.

       Then my response was, because sometimes I like to push the limits without thinking.  I said a girl best friend.  The amazing thing about this is that I already have one, her name is Jennifer.  Remember her?  She was the co-founder of this blog when it first started up.  Now, Jennifer and I make a point of communicating with each other.  We work very hard to keep this friendship going.  We have known each other for four years, and have gone through a lot.  I would not change a thing.

     Just remember to ask God to help you in all situations and He will.  To guide you in all your friendships and He will.  Ask Him to show what kind of friend you are called to be.  He knows what you need and what you don't need...just my2cents

 

Meeting at the Well

When I hung up the phone or should I say slammed down the phone, I just wanted to scream out loud.  Not again! How can she be so rude? How can she be so uncaring?  The she was my mom...A part of me knew that I should turn the other cheek, take a deep breath and extend the grace that Christ has given me.  I must be honest giving grace was the farthest thing from my mind at the moment.  I had done nothing to evoke her behavior, in fact this was how our conversations usually went.  I just gotten to the point in my life where I had enough of people treating me this way.  My mom was just the tipping point.  I was getting tired of being nice and giving trust to people who in return would stomp on my emotions.  Then I realized that I was letting what other people though of me get to me.  I was not letting what God thought of me remind me of how important I really am.  Then I heard the story of the women at the well.  How Jesus met a woman at the well and offered her living water.  He looked past all her faults and saw the beauty and worth that she was capable of.  This story hit me in a different way that it had in the past.  It helped me have a new love for the people around me.  Now when I am on the phone with my mom, I just listen to what she has to say.  I try look past the harsh words and the sarcasm.  I try to  see the hurt that she is living with on a daily basis.  I try to see her as God sees her...wonderfully and beautifully made...in His image.  When someone is rude to me I try not to  take it personal, I turn it to God and say a small prayer for them.  This is not always an easy task.  I don't always turn my cheek and extend the grace I should. I have always heard the term ask Jesus to meet you at the cross...what if we took it a step farther or before the cross?  what if we meet people at the well?  It does not matter what a person is like or what their life is about.  We should be prepared to offer up the truth of the cross, which in sense is meeting them at the well and telling them about how they can receive living water which leads them to the cross.  Look past their faults, fears, and judgement they may be showing you.  It says in God's word to take the log out of your own eye before pointing out the splinter in an others eye. (Matt 7:3) You can also ask God to show you people who are hurting and a way to help them.  If you ever get nervous like I do when talking to someone you don't know about Jesus.  Take a deep breath and ask for His words not yours.  He will make it happen in a way that shows His truth and the peace He has to bring.  Just my 2cents, Missie



 Then Jesus made a bold promise: "Whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst" (John 4:14).

Dear Younger Me...

Dear younger me

 Where do I start?

If I could tell you

 Everything That I have 

Learned so far

Then you could be

one step ahead

 Of all the painful 

 Memories still

Running through my

 Head

I wonder how

 Much different 

Things would be

Dear younger me

Dear younger me

I cannot decide

Do I give some 

Speech about how to

Get the most out of

Your life

Or do I go deep

And try to change

The choices that you'll

Make cuz they're

Choices

That made me

Even though I

Love this crazy

Life

Sometimes I wish

It was a smoother 

Ride

Dear younger me

Dear younger me

If I knew then what I know now

Condemnation would have no 

Power

My joy my pain would've never

Been my worth

If I knew then what I know now

Would've not been hard to

Figure out

What I would've  changed if I had

Heard

Dear younger me

It's not your fault

You were never

Meant to carry this

Beyond the Cross

Dear younger me

You are holy

You are righteous

Your are one of the redeemed

Set apart a brand new heart

You are free indeed

Every mountain every

Valley

Thru each heartache you

Will see

Every moment brings

You closer

To who you were

Meant to be

Dear younger me

Dear younger me

You are holy

You are righteous

You are one of the redeemed

You are free indeed

Dear younger me

                               ~MercyMe~

Dear Younger me's just know you are my world. If I can do anything to make your world better just ask and it is done. I am so proud of each and every one of you, thank you for being who you are.  You have blessed me more than you know.  Just my 2cents...Love older you!

Overwhelmed...By His Love...

You Are Loved (Overwhelmed)

You are love I am lost 

 You are great I need grace

   You are never ‘er moving

`

  I’m still running for the cross 

 You’re all power I’m all poor

  You are perfect I’m impure 

  I’m still hiding in the garden 

  You’re still calling out my name 

 Overwhelmed that I found Your favor 

That you would call me by Your name.

  Overwhelmed, that You would see me 

 That you reveal Yourself to me

  Overwhelmed (I am) Overwhelmed 

 Born in sin - A child of Adam 

 Separated from your side

 Born again, on a hillside 

 Where I was ransomed by Your blood.

  You are all - I am nothing

 You are Holy and I am flawed 

 You are higher in all of Your ways 

 You are higher in all of Your ways

 Am So much higher in all of Your ways

~Dusty Taylor~

Happy Easter!! This song really brings home to me the message of the Cross.  Daily I am humbled by the grace and forgiveness it brings.  Thank you goes to my amazing Pastor who wrote this song and weekly brings a message to us that is God breathed.  Thank you for listening to what God puts on your heart to share with us.  Just my2cents, Missie

I am That Mom...Who Knew?

I was talking with a friend and all of a sudden she got real quiet. She looked down at the ground, then as she brought her eyes up to meet mine, she did a half shrug and said...I need to talk to you about your younger son.  Dread filled my heart and I put on a brave smiled, and said what about?  She then begin to give an account on something that he had said to her boy.  In that moment my defenses came up and I stepped into the battle ring.  I knew for a fact that her son probably started it and mine was just in rebuttal. You see this was not the first time our two boys have had words.  When this would happen I would always tell him to believe the best and move on.  You can imagine my anger when my friend had the nerve to point out a wrong doing on my boy, then not even mention the fact that hers might have been in the wrong as well.  Now I don't want to give you the impression I thought my son was perfect...in fact like all of us he is far from it.   I just did not like being told by someone else his wrong doings. Why? It made feel like a failure as a parent. You see my youngest was my most challenging one.  At age six he was diagnosed  with Attention Deficient Hyper Disorder and Sensory Processing Disorder.  I had to learn parenting on a whole new level, plus I was doing it as a single mom.  I learned to see the world as he saw it, I learned how to help him cope in a world full of stimulation overload.  What I did not realize I was doing was becoming a mamma bear mamma. If someone said or did something to him I jumped into defense mode, and even at times distant us from that person who did us wrong. At the time I had know idea I was doing this.  I am pretty sure my friends who were close to me tried to tell me, but...I was to prideful to listen.  Move forward to times of now and my son is older the Hyper has worn off, but he still has the ADD/SP part.  With the grace that only God can give he is adjusting well and living a very normal life.  He will still have the occasional meltdown, but they are easier to work through now. It was not until about a month ago when with a sudden clarity I realized I was that over protective mom.  I now force myself to listen with an open heart and mind when people talk to me about him.  It is not easy and every conversation like this I have to give it to God.  Who knew that I was that mom?  lol everyone but me.  As I mentioned before by the grace of God I can move forward with this.  I ask for you to pray for me, it is not easy admitting one's faults and then trying to overcome them.  As always you can send me a prayer request via the Walking With Him FB page through the instant msg.  In this world we are not perfect, but if we join in prayer by asking God to help us, nothing can hold us back.  Just my 2cents

Feeling Inadequate!

I overheard these words the other day: I feel like I am failing, I feel like no matter what I do I can't get things right.  At first I paid no mind to them and then I paused and let the feeling behind these words hit me.  Hearing them brought me back to a place in time where I myself had uttered these words of desperation.  Then my heart broke for the person who made this statement of being lost and without hope.  I wanted to go find this person and just hug on them and let them know that everything will be okay.  I wanted to tell them about the One who died so he/she could live.  Instead I did the next best thing, I prayed for them.  Asking God to bring them peace and comfort.

What has brought me out of this place of inadequacy?  The love of someone greater than me, and my sins I like to carry around my neck like a shiny trophy for all to see.  It was a process, it did not happen all at once.  I learned the more I gave to God the easier it was to handle life's frustrations. I noticed that as I did this my whole out look on life changed.  When going through a stressful situation where I was tempted to let the feelings of my past behaviors rise up.  I would cry out to God and let go.  As I did this I was able to ask myself, what is the point in getting all worked up?  How does that help the situation?  My answer was there is no point, and it does not help.  True it is not always easy to do this, but if one can take a deep breath, and pray it is the step in the right direction.

My prayer for you as start to feel the feelings of unworthiness, feelings like you are a failure, or feelings of you can't get anything right.  Is that God will place someone in your life that can help you. Even if all you want that person to do is just listen.  Sometimes a person needs just that...someone to listen, someone who is not trying to fix the situation.  A person you can trust with all that you have, a person that will pray for you.  Don't worry or get upset if you can't even pray, because you are that low. God will give you someone who will be that prayer warrior for you.  Someone who has the faith of a mustard seed and will stand by your side through the thick and the thin.  Someone who will not judge you even if you are so down you can't even lift your eyes off the ground.  Now hear this:  You are worthy!! You are wonderfully made!! You are amazing!!  God sings praises over you daily, you are that loved.  Just take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, and second by second.  With God's help you have got this my friend.  Just my 2cents ~Missie