Every little girl loves to play dress up. I can remember my friends and I pretending to walk down the aisle when I was no more than four or five years of age and as teenagers dreaming and sharing about whom we secretly admired. Long before I knew who I was going to marry I had my whole wedding planned out. Once our prince enters our life we think only of how wonderful it will be to finally be married and live happily ever after. As a newly engaged woman I would hear people say, “Just wait until the honeymoon stage is over, then reality will hit…”, but in my mind I thought it would always be wonderful and full of romance. After four years of marriage and having two sweet babies I’m pretty sure we are not in the honeymoon stage. My husband is still my best friend and I can confidently say that I love him now more than I did the day we married. We have definitely gone through many trials and disagreements, not to mention that we were complete opposites! The one thing that we did have that was the same was our love for the Lord and for people. Recently we read a book that completely changed and challenged our marriage. The theme alone gave us a totally different understanding of the purpose of marriage. In Gary Thomas’ book “Sacred Marriage” he poses this powerful concept, “What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?... Wow! I couldn't get through a chapter without seeing how selfish I had been and how critical I had been towards him. I had to stop continuously and ask Brent to forgive me, but it has been a valuable tool to building a stronger marriage. I didn't want our marriage to fail like so many others I had watched crumble. No marriage is immune and safe from failure, but needs special care and protection. Marriage isn't supposed to be easy, just as life is not meant to be easy. Having a successful marriage is hard work, but like anything worth fighting for it has great value and great reward!
My grandparents were married for 60 years before my grandpa passed away. They had many happy moments throughout their marriage, watching their children grow and become successful in what they enjoyed doing, having grandchildren and great grandchildren. Throughout the years they enjoyed serving in their church family faithfully, helping with summer camps throughout their years, helping those in need, and welcoming others warmly into our family. They worked together in every circumstance and clung to the Lord during the challenges. The Lord is who sustained them and made them so influential as a couple. When I was about ten years old my grandma was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia and at that time they planned on going through three rounds of chemo and hope for the best, but the doctor said with her age and severity of the cancer we would still need a miracle. They prayed for healing and my grandpa faithfully stood by her side diligently serving her in her darkest hour. My grandma’s one request was that she could see her grandchildren grow up, and the One who is our Healer gave her more than what she asked for. She has now seen them all grow up and is now watching her great grandchildren grow. My grandparents were people of faith, who would not give up, and hand in hand walked with the Lord. Someone once told my husband, “A good experience with a bad attitude is failure, but a bad experience with a good attitude is success.”They didn't allow the difficulties they experienced to leave them bitter or hard, but thanked the Lord for all that he did do in them and through them. There is not a single marriage that doesn't go through the struggles of life, but in those times, the Lord uses those struggles to help us grow closer to Him and to our spouse. There is no growth in hiding from or avoiding conflict, but facing it together as this couple can attest to.
Forgiveness and humility are powerful keys to a thriving marriage. The enemy of our soul is out to destroy our marriage and opening the door of unforgiveness and pride destroys the whole family. As a family, we are to have unconditional love that covers a multitude of sin (1 Peter 4:8) and chooses to believe the best (1 Corinthians 13). This does not by any means say that we are to let things slide or go
undealt with, but it does mean that as Christians we deal with the issues that arise and make sure that our relationship with our husband, or wife, is restored. Many couples bail out of marriages so easily in our culture today, whether it be from tragedy, unfaithfulness, financial crisis, “falling out of love”, etc. Recently I read a statistic that forty to sixty percent of first time marriages end in divorce, twenty percent of which are ended in the first five years of marriage! This broke my heart! These things that are most precious and rewarding in life are worth working hard for. In 1 Corinthians 16:13-14, the Lord tells us to, “Watch, steadfast in the faith, be strong. Let all that you do be done with love.” We lock our doors, lock our cars, and in many homes have a security system to protect what is valuable. We are to protect our marriages with the same passion. I challenge you today to be watchful and do all that you can to guard your marriage and to not allow your unconditional love for your spouse to grow cold. Stoke that fire! Keep it going and throw those logs into it to keep it strong!
As women who love and serve the Lord we are given a special enabling grace to serve and love our husbands and family. We have been created to have an incredible strength. Whether we have husbands who serve the Lord with us or those who do not serve the Lord, we are called to be a powerful influence in their life and to help him to be all that God has called our husbands to be. In 1 Peter 3:1-3 it says, “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the Word they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives. When they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.” If you are struggling in your marriage or even just want to have a better marriage pray and search out scriptures to strengthen your trust in the Lord. Ask for help from the Lord and other women who sincerely love the Lord too. It is not our husbands job to make us feel loved or fulfilled ( I know this goes completely against the feminist view in our culture, but the culture’s way is obviously not working!!). We can only be fulfilled and have what we need by turning our lives to the One who created us. We should ask the Lord how we can improve to be a more honorable wife. Please allow the Lord to reveal to you where you can change in your heart toward your husband. Every time I personally do this I realize that I've fallen into the critical thoughts that eat at me….“Why did he leave his wet towel on the floor again?!” or “He didn't load the dishes the way I like them… Grrr.” In the beginning of our marriage I really would say these things to myself and now still have to stop these thoughts before the party gets going. You know these thoughts have a way at stirring up more thoughts. Just tell them to GO…A..WAY! They aren't good for you and deadly to your marriage. As I give the Lord my heart and let him work on me, He helps me to be thankful that my husband DID the dishes, the laundry, and took a shower. If you lose your righteousness, peace and your joy, turn your heart to the Lord and ask him to forgive you for letting those things go and opening the door to sin. According to Philippians 4:13, “we can do all things through Christ”. Even when our marriage comes into trials or hardships, the Lord is there to help you and your husband. He promises to never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). Your marriage will be successful and joyful when you make the Lord the center of your relationship. It will last when you do this. Today I challenge you (whether your marriage is flourishing or struggling to survive) take great care of your marriage and fight for it because every relationship we have needs to be focused on and growing in the Lord. He will show you the way and give you the hope, love and faith to keep going. There is always hope when you trust in the Lord and let Him shape you into the man or woman you were called to be.
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