a belief that someone will or should achieve something...Expectations...has been definitely a life lesson for the year 2015. I did not realize until this year that I would set a certain expectation of someone, then get upset if they did not meet them. I must admit this was a very hard lesson for me to learn!! I would get emotional and almost hold a grudge if things did not go the way I thought they should. I would not throw a fit or anything like that. I would just get disappointed and then wait for the person to fail, which caused me to be disappointed again. Do you see the stupid viscous circle I was traveling in? Then to make it worse I could not let it go, I would replay the thing in my mind over and over and over and over...
Then I when I finally realized it, I went the opposite direction...I went into everything is my fault mode, meaning since I realized the problem and I knew I was the cause of it. The effect of that was, I would be too careful as not to take an offense or get upset if things did not go as I expected. That was not healthy on any level, I shall call this phase denial. Fortunately enough I did not stay in this place of mind for to long.
Instead my denial returned back towards anger, but on a different level...I took all the hurt, anger and self-berating out on the person...In my mind I was like so if they aren't willing to change, why should I? I would try not to set anytype of expectaion, that way I could not get disappointed. ( Let me throw in a quick disclaimer this is not about any one person, it is how I handle every life situation.) The funny thing is the person never really knew I was upset. I would have a greater than thou attitude, I will call this my passive aggressive mindset.
What happened next is I had a come to Jesus meeting...or should I say He had a meeting with me? Jesus reminded me what grace was. How His grace is freely given, and that I should be doing the same. A spiritual light bulb came on, or if you will say a renewal of what grace is. I do now what I should have done then, when a situation arises and I am frustrated, I turn it back to Him. I ask for me to have understanding, to see the situation or person as He does, and I ask for me to have peace. I ask for His patience in the waiting, or to just be able to let it go. I also ask for help in realizing that the expectation I may be setting is unrealistic. My prayer also includes that the person has a Jesus given conviction. Meaning if they need to work on something, God helps them see it. This is not to make me right on any level, it is just that we all have areas we need help with. This journey has been a long painful one, but one that needed to be traveled. My challenge to you is that you go in prayer an ask God to help you in any area that you need it. By doing this you can give it to Him to help you with it...Just my 2cents...
